August 31 2014, 6pm
I deserve to live. I could learn to if people just gave me a fucking chance.
But clem will always shoot me before the truth is even revealed.
Heartless. You’re all heartless, unintelligent, self obsessed bastards. Pulling my own trigger is doing us all a favour. Stay the fuck away from me, and don’t cry over my corpse. Smile. Be happy, that finally: you got the peace you always wanted, and I got the ‘kindness’ of death that I desperately ‘needed’
August 31 2014, 5pm
You’re all pathetic. So so pathetic.
If you chose to shoot Kenny in TWD, you must also look at people who suffer from mental health issues and think they should all die too.
I didn’t shoot him. I understand, and I fucking get it. People aren’t themselves when a disease is in full control of your body. This is my cancer, and it’s terminal.
August 27 2014, 11pm
I DON’T SHARE MY SOB STORY BECAUSE I’M NOT LOOKING FOR ATTENTION. I CAN HELP OTHERS AND MAKE SURE THEY GET THE LOVE AND SUPPORT THEY NEED WITHOUT USING THEIR SYMPATHY TO FUEL MY EGO.
THIS IS WHAT A DECENT HUMAN BEING DOES.
THEY PUT AWAY SELFISH THOUGHTS TO FOCUS ON THE NEEDS OF OTHERS.
BUT APPARENTLY, BECAUSE I’M EMPATHETIC AND I KNOW THAT PILING MY SHIT ONTO OTHER PEOPLE WILL ONLY MAKE THEM MORE DISCOURAGED AND RELUCTANT TO HELP THEMSELVES,
I DESERVE TO FEEL ABANDONED, ALONE AND WORTHLESS.
I FUCKING HATE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU FOR NOT REALISING JUST HOW SELFLESS I ACTUALLY AM. I COULD CHOOSE TO SCREAM AND SHOUT ABOUT THE PROBLEMS I GO THOUGH, CAUSE FUCK ME, EVERY SINGLE INCH OF ME WANTS TO WHINE ABOUT MY PERSONAL SHIT: BUT I DON’T. I NEVER HAVE, TO *ANYONE.*
YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND. I AM INCAPABLE OF CARING FOR MYSELF. EVER. I WAS BORN TO HELP EVERYONE ELSE, EVERY LOVED ONE, EVERY FAMILY MEMBER, EVERY STRANGER. IN MY MIND, ALL OF YOU PRICKS WILL ALWAYS COME BEFORE ME. EVEN NOW.
*I HAVE TO RELY ON THE KINDNESS OF SYMPATHETIC PEOPLE WHO CAN READ MY FAKE DEMEANOUR TO RISE ME UP THROUGH THE TOUGH TIMES. THIS IS WHY I LOVED SHAUN. HE WAS THE ONLY PERSON IN MY ENTIRE 21 YEARS OF LIFE THAT COULD COMPLETELY SEE THROUGH ME. HE NEVER GAVE UP ON TRYING TO HELP ME, EVEN WHEN HE HIMSELF WAS TROUBLED. WE WERE THE SAME, SELFLESS DOORMAT, CONSTANTLY TRYING TO HELP THE OTHER IN EVERY SITUATION POSSIBLE. WHAT I AM NOT DOING IS ASKING FOR YOU TO ALL CHANGE INTO HIM. I AM SIMPLY WONDERING WHY EVERYONE SEEMS TO BE SO CAUGHT UP IN THEMSELVES THAT THEY CAN’T EVEN LOOK AT ANOTHER PERSON AND WONDER WHETHER THEIR WORDS ACTUALLY MATCH THEIR EMOTIONS. AND EVEN WHEN THEY FIGURE THAT SOMEONE IS LIEING, THEY NEVER EVEN HELP.*
*THEY GIVE PEOPLE ‘SPACE.’ SPACE TO REALISE JUST HOW DEPRESSED THEY ARE. TO LET THOSE BAD THOUGHTS REALLY SOAK IN DEEP.*
*I PERSONALLY CANNOT ASK FOR HELP. I FEEL FAR TOO GUILTY EVEN WHEN I WASTE 10 MINUTES OF THE DOCTORS TIME TO SEE HIM. THIS IS HOW I HAVE TO LIVE BECAUSE IT IS MY PERSONALITY. IT IS WHO I ALWAYS HAVE BEEN, AND ALWAYS WILL BE.*
*I CANNOT BE CHANGED. I WILL FOREVER BE TRYING TO HELP EVERY SINGLE ONF OF YOU. MY WHOLE LIFE HAS BEEN ABOUT HELPING OTHERS, AND IT HAS PHYSICALLY DRIVEN ME INSANE. TRUST ME: I WOULD DO ANYTHING, ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING, TO STOP CARING ABOUT YOU AND BE ABLE TO ACTUALLY HELP MYSELF. THERE IS A KIND, LOVING PERSON INSIDE OF ME THAT IS BEING FORCED TO HELP ANYONE BUT MYSELF, AND I WISH SHE COULD FIND THE BALANCE THAT SHE WILL NEVER HAVE.*
THINK ABOUT HOW PAINFUL IT IS TO KNOW THAT I AM NO USE TO MYSELF.
August 27 2014, 4pm
Isn't what you just said selfish too?
If you wrote a book, and someone stole your entire plot line, characters, and rewrote the entire book for themselves, got widely published in their name with no credit to you, got loads of positive feedback and all of the glory from what was a from of basic plagiarism, is it selfish for you to be mad at that person?
Don’t tell me how to feel. It is basic human nature to want to be appreciated for the things you do. To want to make a difference. If people take your unique essence from you, where’s the moral justice in that?